shame
Dear Ciara,
I haven’t been managing my emotions effectively since the death of my bird. I was already feeling so overwhelmed. Adding this weight to my shoulders is taking its toll on my mental health: I keep randomly crying; I have had trouble concentrating; I can even feel the negativity right now as I write, festering in my stomach.
This morning, I regurgitated my feelings onto the floor. I spoke harshly with a colleague who meant me no harm. Now, I am overcome with shame. I worry I will get in trouble at work, but let’s be honest, I probably deserve it. She was only trying to assist.
I’m tired. I need a holiday. I need to find a spark at my workplace again otherwise I don’t think I can continue in this role. I’m also probably just being dramatic.
I’m glad I took the time to call you yesterday, Ciara, but I don’t think I vented my frustrations to the extent that I needed to. Perhaps I will call you again tomorrow, and this time, be brutally honest. I know you will happily give me the space to express my emotions. You’re good like that.
The song for today is:
I Feel Bad For You, Dave — dodie
What a bop. I needed this today. I hope my behaviour isn't bordering on "Dave-like", though...
Love,
The Gardener