my body
Dear Ciara,
The focus for my life at this present moment is to learn to love my body. I hadn’t realised until recently how much I actually dislike my body. Have I been conditioned by social media and advertising campaigns to hate myself? I’m not sure. As a queer man, I do often feel pressure to conform my body to suit a particular standard. I know as a woman, this is something you understand too.
So, what was the catalyst for the change in my outlook? Maybe Virgin? Broken Glass certainly struck a chord with me. I also think my evolving relationship with exercise has helped. For the first time I am beginning to actually notice the progress I am making. My strength and stamina have both significantly increased since I started, and I can see the visible changes in my body too, as slight as they are. These improvements have encouraged me to thank my body for all it does for me.
I’ve written to you before about how much I dislike exercise, but I think part of learning to love my body is learning to appreciate exercise. I have taken up running, for example, and have been going to the gym more regularly. I know you have been too and I’m beyond proud of you. Look at us, kicking goals.
As I write this, I am lazing about in my brand-new budgie smugglers in the garden. The sun is crazy today, and I am soaking in it. I never wear this kind of swimwear, always afraid I don’t have the body for it. But I’m trying to teach myself not to give a flying fuck. This is my body; I can do what I want with it. I hope you are learning to love your body too.
Green ants have made my body a popular mountain to climb. In pairs, they have decided to traverse my steep slopes and the forest of my chest. Their little feet tickle my bare skin.
The song for today is:
Birthplace (The Same Way) — Toy Shaw
I can’t get this song out of my head. Honestly, it has nothing to do with today’s theme, but I don’t care. I’m listening to it while the sun beats down and I feel alive. Maybe you can find a spare moment and let it make you feel good too?
Love,
The Gardener