mess
Dear Ciara,
A garden can be an outlet for frustration. Working your hands into the soil, pruning and general maintenance—I believe these are all acts of stress-relief. But this is not the only reason why the garden can be therapeutic. The garden often comes with its own hiccups and frustrations, and for me, I get so distracted addressing these frustrations that, for a time, I forget all about my social and/or vocational worries.
This is where I am at today. While I am having some struggles at work, all I can think about is how my garden just doesn’t look right. As I peer out over it, many of my plants are clearly being impacted by local pests—particularly giant grasshoppers and leafminers—and I’m struggling with keeping the soil in my raised beds aerated and healthy. Some of my seedlings need structural support, and others don’t seem to be doing too well. Too many problems to address at once.
But that’s good. The garden is a place where I can forget about my worries and practice being messy. I’m sure you already know, but I am a bit of a perfectionist. Even though I may act nonchalant on the surface, I secretly strive for an unhealthy degree of perfection in all that I do. When I do not achieve said perfection, I can find it quite debilitating. I have chosen the garden as my place to practice being messy, as a place to learn how to be comfortable with imperfection. While I will do what I can to address these problems in my garden, if I cannot find a solution, that is okay. If my sunflowers don’t grow as tall as they’re supposed to, or if my garden beds aren’t as full and rich as the people I follow on social media, it doesn’t matter. It’s my garden. My mess. My escape.
So, it’s time to lay down some fresh mulch and compost. Time to pluck out the dead seedlings and attempt to save the struggling. The sun is hot and glaring, the marigolds are brilliant and golden, and I am feeling good.
There is a cricket inside the house, stridulating loudly. I can hear it all the way from the outside. What a monstrous noise from such a small creature.
The song for today is:
The Magpie – Fossil Collective
This is one of my favourite songs of all time. It always brings me peace no matter how distorted I'm feeling.
Love,
The Gardener